I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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