Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
