we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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