Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I want to be your penis for a week.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
