I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
