Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
