chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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