Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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