so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize