First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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