woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
