the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
