I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
