I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
