Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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