Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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