Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
