He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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