As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
