Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
