Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
