my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
