she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
