so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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