Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
