whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
