I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We have started to decorate penises.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
