Soap is not a condiment
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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