I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
