i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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