I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
now i know why i became what i already was.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
