just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
