we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
