after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
