wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
