Whats the glycemic index on semen?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
there is glitter all over my balls
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
