Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
