can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
