i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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