I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
