I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
