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I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We left the knife in your bed.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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