someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
