I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize