We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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