i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
