She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
