Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
