Your tits are I can't wait for
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize