My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
