Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
