you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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