moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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