Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
