fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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