is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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