That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
