Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Randomize
