it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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