It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
