Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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