I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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