I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
