Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
