so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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