never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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