I want you more than these girls want KFC
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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