3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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