Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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