Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize