can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
