Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
